8 Ways to Win in the Philippine Politics (a satirical analysis )

Politics in the Philippines is the most entertaining, idiotic, horrendous, and best way to make (dirty) money rolled into one. Whether the Barangay elections will push through this year on not, I’m going to give you tips that I have gathered from my observation on how you’ll win the game in the political arena. This methods are tried and tested and has proven its effectivity.

1. Work in the show business and make a name. This was the most effective way of winning in politics. A lot of actors and actresses in the Philippines had it easy in transitioning to politics, heck we even have a former actor who became the president of the country. We almost had two if one of them was not cheated. Though it’s very effective it won’t give you a hundred percent assurance of winning.

2. When you have project sponsored by the government make sure that everyone will know that you are the project initiator. A common practice that everyone does which we usually call an “epal” moves. Make sure that your face is incuded larger when you post the information about that project. In that way people will think that it is your project that you are really helping them.

3. Win the hearts of the minority groups. Whatever projects, or publicity you’ve got, it will always guarantee a hundred effectivity if it is addressed to the poor or to the indigenous people. You must also create a catchy phrase the will best describe you as one of them. Example: Joseph Estrada’s “Erap para sa mahirap”, Gloria Labandera of GMA, and iGOrotak of Mark Go, Congressman of Baguio City.

4. Find a way to link yourself to their Family. Filipinos are fond of having a clan reunion tracing the family roots up to the 10th generation don’t matter as for Filipinos, family is family. So if you are an aspiring politician you must attend all reunion where your parents belong. And you must also do the same with your spouse’s clan. Make sure that everyone will know you. That will make you earn more votes.

5. To gain momentum, use MONEYchinery. Money can’t buy everything but it can buy many things. And yes, people’s vote is one of them. Buying votes as a tactic never failed and has propelled a lot of politician to the position.

6. Use all types of media for publicity. There is an adage that say “ All publicity whether good or bad is a good publicity” To be in the eyes of the public, use all types of media. Get interviews to voice out even your most idiotic idea, or to voice out your support to whoever has the larger number. If majority of the population is in the opposition then support the opposition. Go to where the grass is greener.

7. Use your talent to bring you to the arena. Find your talent. Get good at it and be famous using it. To explain this briefly, look at the career of Senator Manny Pacquiao.

8. Be Different. As time goes by people get tired of the old ways things are done. To get on top be different. Play on the ails of the majority of people. If your opponent wears suits, wear rugged suits. If your opponent is tactful be tactless. Show a character that is totally different from the norm and sooner or later you’ll get the big W.

There you go. Different way of getting in the political arena of our country.
Note: This is sarcastic presentation of what was observed in the political arena of our country. Some are true and some are against the law but it was seen and observed so it was written.