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Pilot: It Was Me Who Talked to Duterte
MANILA, Philippines — The pilot of the Tokyo-Manila flight that President Duterte and his entourage took revealed today that it was him all along who spoke to the president concerning his colorful vocabulary.

“Yes, it was me,” Pilot-In Command Capt. Jean-Luc Piccard said. “I thought that it was a long shot and I never imagined it to work.”

“Everybody was asleep and snoring when I decided to try something drastic,” narrated the pilot. “I started talking on the microphone and told him that he needs to stop.”

According to Capt. Piccard, he forgot to properly introduced himself with a “this is your captain speaking” spiel before addressing the president but he never intended to impersonate the almighty God. “It was only the president who assumed that he was talking to God.”

Capt. Piccard also pointed out that any sane person would assume that it was the pilot speaking inside an airplane full of sleeping passengers instead of a higher being.

“I mean, who in their right mind would also believe that God would really be so insensitive and bring the whole plane down, risking the lives of other innocent people on-board?!?!” Capt. Piccard hysterically asked. “Shouldn’t he rerevalidate his hunch with his cabinet first before believing it and promising never to cuss again?”

“I mean, how hard was it to wake Andanar up and asked him whether or not he heard my voice too?” he said, adding that if only he knew that Duterte would take it at face value, he would’ve been more specific in telling him that it was the extra judicial killings that must stop.

Capt. Piccard also believes that it would only be a matter of time before President Duterte would go back to his cursing ways now that he has come clean.

“I mean, even without my revelation today, you don’t actually think he’d stick to his promise right?” he added. “Well, at least he didn’t curse when he got back from Japan.”


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